So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
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Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
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Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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