I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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