evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
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my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
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Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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