Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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