Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
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ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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