I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
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I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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