my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So here I am, sexting at work.
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