My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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