I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
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I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
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Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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