I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
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Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
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Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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