it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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