If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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