just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
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some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
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Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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