i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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