I think I died a long time ago.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
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so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
His hands were made for my vagina.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
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Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
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