if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
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Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
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I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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