Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
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Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
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Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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