If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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