genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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