just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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