when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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