I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
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come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
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Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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