My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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