Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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