I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think my moral compass just broke
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize