Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize