I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i think i just lost a toe
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize