lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have demons in me.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
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the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
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Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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