I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize