Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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