Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even my farts smell like vagina
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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