Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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