My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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