This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize