mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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