Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
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theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
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I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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