Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
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He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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