Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
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Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
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I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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