I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
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She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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