rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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