We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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