My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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