I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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