just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize