yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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