How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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