So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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