I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize