I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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