you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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